Reflective Meandering

Thoughts on faith, people, politics, travel, and transition.

The Origin of Hope

on July 10, 2014

Awhile back, my pastor did a series on believing the Lord. He would ask, every week, whether our lives conveyed that we truly believed God’s Word. I really began to struggle with the series. I do believe in God. I do believe that His Word is infallible and inspired by Him. I believe it, but I’m not so sure my life always reflects that I believe it.

I distinguished for myself a difference between trusting the Lord and believing what He says is true.

I believe that what He says is true, but I stink at putting my trust in God, hoping in Him. This became so very clear to me after the hubs and I got back from our honeymoon. See, before our wedding, I quit my job and moved my things to the hubs’ place, now our place. I traded in my litigation attorney card for a stay-at-home wife card.

I expected the transition to be difficult. We discussed my apprehension about this transition during pre-marital counseling, but having that discussion didn’t make it any easier. I’ve been a working girl for a long time. From babysitting and cutting grass to my first real job in 10th grade, I’ve had an income for a very long time. God provided it – the income and the opportunities that brought the income – but, in my heart, I treasured having earned that income, and those jobs. So, what do I treasure now that I have neither?

Right now, I’m just a wife; I don’t even have a child to tend to. I sit at home every day, between runs to the grocery store, and write blogs, look up recipes, look for new jobs, clean, and cook. I consider my wifely duties, serving my husband, my job right now. However, I’ve also burdened the hubs – unbeknownst to either of us – with being my hope and satisfaction.

Don’t get me wrong, husbands have a role in encouraging their wives, and the hubs is fantastic in so doing. Last night we had a couple of friends over dinner. Multiple times the hubs told me how wonderful the house looked and dinner tasted and how great I was at entertaining our company. He has been so encouraging about my work around the house and having dinner ready and I feel so blessed to have married a man who so appreciates me and my contributions to our little family.

The problem is, I don’t value what I’m doing as much as he does, but still, I put the burden on him to make me feel hope and satisfaction in the fulfillment of my duties.

He is so gracious and appreciative, but I find fault in that he’s not satisfying my every desire for communication, or social interaction, or some other need-of-the-moment. I’ve made him my one hope and both, fortunately and unfortunately, he cannot satisfy my every need.

The hubs is an amazing man who is doing an amazing job providing for us while I am out of work, but I have put a burden on him that is not his yolk to bear, and that he is not capable of carrying – I have looked to him to be my hope. However, it is God’s burden to bear – He wants to be my hope.

Romans 5:1-6 says, “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.”

Paul, who wrote Romans, also wrote in II Thessalonians 2:16-17, “May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.”

My hope and encouragement can and should be sought in God. He is the one who is faithful to complete every good work HE begins in me. Philippians 1:6. He has written me love letters that I could read time and time again. He wants to hear from me every minute of the day (and He won’t interrupt with kisses!).

My husband is so sweet and a most amazing man, but he can’t lift the loneliness that sets in while he’s at work, or remove the burden of my heart from being a financial drain (no matter how many times he sweetly tells me not to worry about the finances, that’s his job), or otherwise make me feel hope and satisfaction in my every day. Really work and winning cases couldn’t either. I had moments of satisfaction that eased the pain of seeking self for satisfaction, but it wasn’t the kind of true satisfaction and peace that I have experienced during times in my life where I’ve been completely focused on the will of the Lord and on having His eyes and seeking His heart. There’s a hope and satisfaction that only comes from seeking the face of a holy God who sent His only son to die on a cross so that I could be sanctified and could live in a relationship with Him, the Big Guy, God.

The hubs can’t be here 24/7, and getting a job won’t cure the lonely heart I feel during the lull of a slow day with few errands, BUT seeking the face of God will. May we ever be faithful to seek Him fervently.


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