Reflective Meandering

Thoughts on faith, people, politics, travel, and transition.


on July 31, 2014

Yesterday, I learned that a kid died. He didn’t have cancer, or a disease, or die in a car, plane, or train accident, he took his own life. Suicide.

I’ve had a hard time processing his death. I didn’t know him, but I am an acquaintance of his father. I sat under his father’s teaching. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that his dad loved him dearly – he talked about that boy all the time. From an outsider’s view, his family was involved in his life and cared for him deeply. He was a handsome 15 year old. He played football and had a steady girlfriend. The day he took his life he tweeted “So happy rn.”

What causes a person to take his life?

Like a lot of pre-teens, there were times in my childhood when I wondered whether everyone would be better off if I were dead, times when I imagined a world without me and thought my family and friends would be better off in that world. But, I never actually attempted to take my life and thus, I cannot imagine what brings a person to do so.

Over time, I learned to hate the idea of suicide, even advocating against euthanasia. I remember a few years ago talking with a few friends about whether we would want to live with a terminal illness or would prefer death. My friend said he’d drive his truck over a cliff instead of dying without dignity, having a disease claim his mind or body. But, our bodies and our ends are not our own. God has lessons. God has lessons for me and the people around me as I struggle through life, whether with health, pain, diabetes, or some other disease. There is purpose in that struggle. It sucks, but there is a reason for it and those reasons are so much bigger than we can even imagine.

In Isaiah 55:8-9, the Lord says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways…. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

It sucks, sometimes it sucks big time, but the struggle is not in vain and the struggle does not define us, our relationship with Christ defines us. In our times of desperation, I know it’s difficult to remember, but, even then, God has not forgotten us. Luke 12:6-7 says, “Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”


You have so much value not because of how you look, or how talented you are, or what other people think of you, but because you are created in the image of God. (Genesis 1:27)

The Lord told the Israelites, “For I know the plans I have for you… plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13. He was referring to a specific promise here, but the same rings true for us. He has great plans for each of His children, He desires an intimate relationship with each of us, a relationship cultivated through prayer. Cry out to Him in your desperation. He wants to direct us through His written Word and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

If you are considering suicide, I beg you to please reconsider.

One of the reasons I wouldn’t even consider euthanasia is because there’s something especially devastating about a person choosing to leave her loved ones. If death steals me in the night, that’s one thing, but I will fight it. I will fight for life with my loved ones, and not as much for me, for I know that Jesus has gone to prepare a wonderful place for me, but for my family.

People have chosen to leave me, from best friends to boyfriends, and there’s something that affects us deeply when a person chooses to leave. I don’t want suicide to be my legacy. I want to be remembered as a fighter. You can fight too, whatever you’re going through, you can fight until you no longer have fight within you.

Never. Give. Up.

It may feel like rain today, but the sun will shine again. Until then, “run with perseverance the race marked out for [you], fixing [y]our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Hebrews 12:1b-3.

It’s a tragic and difficult world we live in, but we have access to the One who has overcome the world, we have access to His power and goodness.

Choose life; choose Christ; choose to run with perseverance.

But, don’t run alone, talk to someone. It may not feel like it right now, but people love you; lots of people love you – people you’ve never met and people who have known you a lifetime. People want to know your struggles; they have struggles too. It’s okay to share you fears and your thoughts with the people who are investing in you – teachers, preachers, parents, or older siblings. If you are considering suicide, tell someone, anyone. Give someone the chance to love you back to a desire for life, because YOUR LIFE MATTERS!

You matter, and you are loved. Please, choose life.


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