Reflective Meandering

Thoughts on faith, people, politics, travel, and transition.

Trusting God after a Miscarriage

Growing up in church, I remember seeing the old hymn that goes “Trust and obey, for there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.” And, I’ve always taken comfort in that verse, and the fact that the Holy Spirit enables both our trust and obedience as believers.

But, my recent miscarriage has left me confused, to say the least. I know what I need to do, but I’ve forgotten how to do it. Where trust came quickly and easily for me before I lost my precious baby, my instincts trigger defense mechanisms and weariness of the Lord’s goodness now. It is also difficult to trust the Lord, while acknowledging His sovereignty and goodness.

I keep going back to the fact that “children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.” Psalm 127:3. And, while I am trying to remember that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, it is more difficult for me to maintain the refrain “blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21. I suppose admitting that is the first step to overcoming the difficulty.

We are called to be steadfast in our faith, even under trials, and my husband and I may as well learn how to trust the Lord now.

I’ve been incredibly blessed in my life to have been spared significant loss. I had one grandfather to pass away just before I was born, but the family that I have known remains with me today. That is, until I lost my baby. While I had felt loss before, this was a new kind of loss, the kind with a reunion, but one that seems forever away. One that hurts deeper than any loss I’ve experienced before; one that has caused my trust in God’s goodness to waiver.

However, as I’ve begun the ascent to trusting Him again, I’ve realized that trusting Him with the lives of my loved ones is not a choice, it’s a necessity. My brother is a cop. His life is on the line every day, especially in today’s climate of anarchy. My mother suffers her own autoimmune diseases and health issues, despite which she consistently shows amazing grace and faith. My grandparents and my father are only getting older, too. But, even beyond that, with the freak –accidents that happen on a regular basis, with car wrecks, and shootings, with SIDS and terrorists, we do not know what tomorrow might bring. Proverbs 27:1. Therefore, we must trust in Him.

Even if the Lord blesses us with additional babies, and we have smooth pregnancies and healthy deliveries, every day of the lives of our children will be an exercise of trusting in the Lord. This Christian life is not one in which we master an art and have arrived at, say, nirvana. Rather, it’s an active life of pursuing God and the things He loves, and in trusting in His goodness. It may not always be easy, but He is always worthy.

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